If you’ve ever been told it’s time to “move on,” you’re not alone. It’s one of the most common — and most painful — things widows hear.
And I want to say this clearly: moving on is not the goal.
Living with grief is.
Those two things sound similar, but they’re completely different. And understanding that difference changed everything for me after I lost my husband.
What “moving on” implies
When someone says “move on,” there’s an underlying message: leave it behind. Stop thinking about it. Put it away.
But grief isn’t a phase. It’s not a problem to solve or a season to wait out. It’s the natural result of loving someone — and you don’t stop loving them because they’re gone.
Trying to “move on” often leads to suppression, guilt, and that awful feeling that you’re somehow betraying your person by trying to live your life.
I know. I ended up with a bleeding ulcer because of trying to move on.
What “living with grief” actually looks like
Living with grief means something different. It means allowing your loss to become woven into your life — not sitting on top of it, crushing you, but threaded through it. Present, acknowledged, and honored.
It looks like:
- Talking about your person freely, without feeling like you need to warn people first
- Carrying them with you into your future, not leaving them behind in your past
- Having a genuinely good day and not feeling guilty about it
- Building new routines and new joy without erasing the old ones
Some days this feels natural. Other days, the grief rises up, fresh and unexpected. This is not a failure. Both are part of it. Both are natural and normal.
The moment things started to shift for me
For me, the shift didn’t happen because I decided to feel better. It happened when I stopped fighting what I felt and started working with it.
I gave myself permission to grieve fully — and also to live fully. Not one or the other.
I started asking myself: What did I want the rest of my life to look like? What would it look like to keep him in my heart while also moving forward?
Those questions changed everything.
It took me seven years to get to that point.
You’re not behind. You’re not broken.
If you’re reading this and wondering if it gets easier — it does. Not because the love fades, but because you get stronger. More practiced at carrying it.
But that takes some work.
And you don’t have to figure out how to do that alone.
If you’re ready to explore what living with grief looks like for you, I’d love to talk.